Rememberance....

Today is a double-edged sword for me.  Heavy.  The panicky feeling in my stomach is there, as usual, when seeing all the footage and hearing the stories again.  I can't watch all of the newscasts right now.  I'm watching Imus in the Morning instead.  I'm looking forward to the beautiful weather today and the blessed absence of storms.  But around here, it's hard to get away from the reminders, even in my own home, regardless of the weather.

Today will be a busy day for me.  I need to be as busy as possible (so as not to lose my mind) because not only is today the anniversary of that tragic day when that monster came to our Valley, but it is or was also my "due date."  I put "due date" in quotes because that was the last due date I was given before everything changed and before we were changed forever. 

I was looking forward to having a very happy memory on (or around) this date to replace the horror that's now associated with April 27th.  That really would have been something.  But instead, there's just more horror unfortunately.  I'm not playing a little violin nor am I having myself a little pity party, but I can't hold it in and sit on it today.  I have to let a little piece of myself out so that it doesn't eat me alive.  Once I pass today's milestones, I feel like I can move on a little better....hopefully.

So today, as I busy myself with everything I can possibly find, I will remember those that were lost in our community and everywhere else and also the one that was lost on September 30th.  I'm not going to wallow around like I want.  It's hard not to just go back to bed and stay there for the rest of the day.  Jonathan didn't.  So I'm not either.

So if you pray, say a little prayer or if not, send some happy vibes, for those whose families were forever changed a year ago today and for my family, who didn't lose anything but some trees, some possessions, and maybe some peace of mind, but for our loss who was supposed to be here today to make it all better.

I'm so thankful for my family and friends and especially my husband.  I would probably be in some kind of asylum if not for them.

Happy "birthday" in Heaven Little Jackson.  I know you are in good company:)