Goodbye 2011....

For so many people, this was the worst year of their life.  So many people lost dear loved ones in April and after, some lost their homes, pets....the list goes on.  For some, it was the best year of their life.  There were some bright spots of course, weddings, babies, new homes better than before.  Not everything was bad.  Some things were beautiful.  It's the bright lights of happiness that keep things balanced in the end.  And I am so thankful for those things.

We saw many miracles that first week after the storm.  Little signs that we are not alone.  I no longer believe in coincidence.  And I am thankful for that.

We saw it everywhere.  We saw it at our own home, the day after, when it seemed that every family member and friend we had showed up to help us, along with some people we had never met.  We are forever grateful.  Truly amazing.  Jonathan saw it while he was out helping others.  The jaw-dropping beauty coupled with the jaw-dropping destruction.  Those images will be burned into our minds forever.

The tornado also brought some new people into our lives.  A true miracle occurred in Shoal Creek Valley that brought us to Tuscaloosa and introduced us to a wonderful family who despite losing a wife and mother, their business and their home, are positive and happy.  The Bayodes are a true inspiration of how we are supposed to be.  Thanks to Amy Echols and WVUA Tuscaloosa for inviting us to be part of the story and giving us the opportunity to meet Mr. Bayode.

Sometimes, it seems like that tornado brought more than just destruction and loss.  It brought a sense of dread that I've always tried to keep far away from me.  Now it seems that danger is always on the doorstep.  We do our very best to keep that at bay with the power of prayer and the love we share.  The miracles we witnessed do a very good job of that.

No doubt some of our friends have noticed our absence.  As some of you already know, we had a loss of our own a couple of months ago.  It's hard to describe how it feels to lose someone you never got to meet.  Very odd.  And there are so many others that have experienced that kind of pain.  So I do not feel alone.  I've been reading articles, forums, websites, trying to get a handle on how other couples deal with this kind of loss.  I've seen it referred to over and over as "the silent loss."  And it most certainly is.

True, it could have been worse.  I could have been farther along, something could have been very wrong.  Lots of things people say that make perfect sense in my logical mind, make me feel better for a moment; but the truth is that none of it really helps at the end of the day.  It sits in my mind and sometimes takes hold.  I guess the only thing that will help is time and knowing that that one is already in Heaven, waiting.

It seems that there is so much going on all the time, we don't have the time to really sit quietly and deal with it all.  Between work and the state of our home repairs and generally life going on, it seems kind of overwhelming for both of us, exhausting even.  It's hard when the people you interact with daily don't understand why you may be in a crabby mood or if you look sad.  I feel like you can't just openly talk about these things all the time without seeming to try to draw attention to yourself or to make someone feel sorry for you.  So you have to stop with the pity party and get on with it.  Every day, we get up and try and put on a happy face to take on the day.  That happy face fades in and out periodically, but we are strong in our faith in God and each other. 

The new year will bring some form of renewal to our home I'm sure.  For me personally, this has been the worst year of my life.  But by the grace of God, we are here safe and sound, family intact.  And I am thankful.