My Pity Party

I had this epiphany one night right before bed that I probably have enough classes from my no-longer-used degree in court reporting to have a huge head start in getting a Business Administration degree, Associate degree of course.  That would be good enough for me to be able to make a better living.  It's obviously not something prestigious, but a lot better than what I am now.  Not that I am greedy and after a lot, I'm just thinking about the future.

After beginning the necessary steps to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing next, including applying for FAFSA, I felt this great sense of hope that isn't normal for me.  Not that I'm mean or bitter really, just more hopefulness than normal.  I was ready, full force.


After finding out this afternoon that I do not qualify for Federal financial aid, I became more upset than I have in quite some time. I have used it before.  According to their little page, I still qualified to apply for it again.  No reason given, nothing that made any sense whatsoever.  If I could afford to pay for the entire 10 or 12 classes I need, I wouldn't have applied...but the Government feels otherwise.  So here we are.  I have been so angry I could hardly speak for most of the evening.

And I don't mean in any way to demean or diminish the fact that other people are hoping for WAY more important things, like being rid of a disease, to have a child, to hope a loved one can kick an addiction.  My pity party is only nanoscopic compared to the seriousness of those things.

So I laid on the couch and mired in my self-pity.  I should just be thankful I got to use it the first time.  Wallowing and wallowing.  Not even the ultra-cuteness of Bo and Lucy could make me feel better.  Jonathan had to run out for a bit, so I decided to watch TV and mire there...I turned on an episode of Joel Osteen that we had recorded a few weeks ago but still hadn't watched.  He told his usual joke, which was hilarious; and then started talking about when something you were hoping for so much is taken away without clear rhyme or reason, do not give up hope.  It's just not time yet.  And he followed it with this:

Hebrews 13:5-6

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

I just sat there with my mouth hanging open.  I immediately felt the pity party becoming smaller and smaller.  It was amazing.  I could go on and on about the injustices of what's going on in this world today, but I won't give up.